Surrogacy is NOT Gay!

In Fact, Straight Childless Couples Use Surrogacy More Often than Gay Male Ones

On the background of Italy completely banning surrogacy which in America was falsely presented by propagandist Mainstream Misledia as a ‘tremendous attack on LGBT+ rights’, I as a gay man want to dispel any connection between surrogacy and gay men.

First of all, however, I’d like to clarify that I’m not going to advocate neither for nor against surrogacy per se - it’s not my battle, sorry, just like abortion, and I’m not going to be caught in the crossfire of pro motherhood and pro choice people same as I don’t want to be caught in a crossfire of pro choice and pro life people. I have many my own battles to wage - against Wokeism, Islamism and WEF induced globalism most importantly, and for gays and Russians both of whom are again in danger in the West due to Putin having compromised Russians with his war and Woke Alphabet Mafia having compromised gays with their sick child abusing agenda. So, I hope you’d understand and won’t demand from me to take a stand here. I’m more against surrogacy - at least, a commercial one as it is now - but it is as far as I’m willing to go into it.

Some people would ask - how come surrogacy isn’t my battle, isn’t it GAY after all? No, it isn’t, and it’s debunking of this toxic stereotype which is my primary concern here. Connecting surrogacy with gay rights by BOTH Left and right isn’t just factually incorrect, it’s also pretty harmful for gay people. It allows religious right to spew even more hate towards gay men framing them as ‘truly demonic’ for allegedly ‘destroying motherhood and encouraging a baby trade’ instead. Conversely, it allows the Woke Left to shut down any argument against surrogacy however fact-based as ‘homophobic hate’.

As a gay man I’m not Okay with BOTH. I’m not really Okay with the Leftists using my gay name to push yet one more their controversial agenda - nope, Lefties, fight this battle without me and without us gays at large, don’t use our name as a shield! I am equally pissed with religious right connecting surrogacy to male homosexuality to further demonize gay men when in truth absolute minority of gay male couples use surrogacy due to it being very expensive and controversial, while many straight childless couples do. There is both data and solid reasons for that. But to elaborate.

First of all, history of surrogacy is way longer than of a gay marriage which means surrogacy was originally implemented for straight childless couples, not gay ones! But don’t take just my word for it, here’s an official information:

Surrogacy history timeline

1976: Lawyer Noel Keane creates the first legal surrogacy arrangement.

1978: The first “test-tube baby,” Louise Joy Brown, is born.

1980: The first paid surrogacy arrangement occurs.

1985: The first successful gestational surrogacy takes place.

For comparison, gay marriage was legalized in US only in 2015, and first in the world it was legalized in Netherlands in 2001. So, as you could see, surrogacy predates gay marriage by sixteen years if you take Europe and almost twice as long - by thirty years - in US. Hence, to suggest that surrogacy was created for gay male couples when it predates gay marriage by few decades is both preposterous and factually incorrect and yeah homophobic.

But alright, some people would say, maybe surrogacy was initially created for straight childless couples but surely now it is used by gay male couples more excessively? Again, wrong. There’s plenty of data showing that childless straight couples and single parents still use surrogacy more often than gay male couples. If you think of it, it’s no wonder even. The amount of both single people and childless straight couples is rapidly growing in the Western world, and taking into account that straight people are overwhelming majority compared to gay ones, then even straight minority of childless and single people (especially if this minority is ever-growing!) is larger than all gay male demographics by far.

There’s another reason why straight people prefer to use surrogacy as opposed to child adoption (and gay males prefer adoption more often) - it is due to most straight people’s desire to have their own child. They don’t want someone else’s child, they want their own, because that’s what straight people usually do, and so they want to keep it this way. Gay men, in the contrary, are pretty well used to a thought that they won’t have their own kids anyway, so they’re more inclined towards adoption.

There’s a data proving it as well - ‘Although the 1 million same-sex couple households in the United States make up less than 2% of total coupled households, 21% of same-sex couples with children have adopted children versus less than 3% of opposite-sex couples with children. Same-sex couples are seven times more likely than opposite-sex couples to have adopted children.’

So, as you could see, surrogacy was created by straight people and for straight people before gay marriage was even legalized, and now childless straight couples and singles still use surrogacy more excessively than gay men. Yet, in a layman’s mind surrogacy is still firmly connected with gay men. Why?

I see as the only valid reason for it a fact that gay males can’t have kids of their own, which, in layman’s view, forces them to seek other options to have kids, including surrogacy. To some extent it might be even true but it ignores both straight childless couples and single people, and specifics of gay male relationships as well.

For example, there’s data proving that gay men overall are far less interested in parenting compared to both straight men and lesbians, allegedly due to paternal instinct being slightly less more pronounced than maternal one, which results in a relationship without a woman also having children less often:

‘For childfree gay men, there is a gap between future parenthood desires and intentions compared to heterosexual men. Riskind and Patterson (2010) examined parenting desires and intentions among a United States representative sample [2002 National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG)] and found that gay men (54%) were significantly less likely to desire future parenthood compared to their heterosexual peers (75%). Among men who desired future parenthood, gay men (75%) were significantly less likely to intend to become parents in the future compared to their heterosexual peers (90%; Riskind and Patterson, 2010). Riskind and Patterson (2010) found that for men, but not for women, sexual orientation was a significant predictor of future parenting intentions.’

Again, this does not make gay men inferior to straight men or lesbians. As a gay man I do argue that children isn’t an ultimate goal of every relationship! Kids are great but they’re not for all, and I wish more people would understand it instead of stigmatizing and demonizing childless people, both straight and gay. For gay males, their relationship is seen rather as a lifelong support of each other’s career or creative pursuits (or both) while kids might have been a distraction and obstacle here (and they often are for straight couples, especially women). Again, nothing wrong with that. We all have different purposes and goals in life, and I believe it’s wrong to force all people to pursue the same things in life, especially dictated by biology. We’re humans, not just animals after all, so biology alone shouldn’t dictate our lives.

Coming back to surrogacy, as you can see, more than half of gay male couples don’t even have kids. Those who do, more often resort to adoption than to surrogacy - it’s much cheaper and much less controversial.

There’s another reason why gay men might be disinclined to use surrogacy as opposed to adoption though. The point is a surrogate isn’t really a child of both male parents - it’s a biological baby of only one man in a gay couple, while his husband then has no biological relation to their baby. That creates inequality absent in case of adoption when an adopted child is biologically equally unrelated to both gay male parents which weird enough makes it equally theirs after adoption. But in case of surrogacy, this inequality might produce ugly outcomes - that is, one man (allegedly biological father) would love a kid more than his partner, the kid would sense it, and it might affect him badly. Having a second baby from surrogacy which would be a biological child of a second partner won’t really solve the problem but rather double it when one parent would love one kid more and second - another one (not to mention that disinclined to parenting overall gay men would highly unlikely want a second baby to begin with!)

So, as you could see, surrogacy isn’t that convenient for gay male couples not to mention that it’s expensive and controversial. In fact, it’s much more convenient for single wealthy men or infertile women who won’t have neither financial struggle with affording it nor gay male dilemma of ‘unequal parenting’- there’s only one parent in case of single parents after all. So, if you are concerned with surrogacy problem, focus on single wealthy men as a primary demographics who’d like to use surrogacy and not on gay male couples, please.