Woke Gospel

Fundamentals of the Woke Cult

My three-year old satirical piece which rings 100% true now as well.

Ok, since I really think that Wokeness is a new Western religion, or a cult to be more precise, here are some my witty parallels between Wokeness and Christianity (just like every cult, Wokeness essentially borrows from an official religion and at the same time mocks it). Similarities are striking, judge for yourself.

Woke Gospel: Critical Race Theory, Intersectionality, Queer Theory, etc.

Woke Dogmas: systemic racism, white privilege, inherent evils of capitalism, climate change, transgenderism, etc.

Woke Original Sin: 'Whiteness'

Woke Way to Atonement/Redemption: Renounce your privilege (mostly white privilege, of course)

Woke Messiah (or Savior): Greta Thunberg, a Holy Child, an innocent girl 'free of sin', who is always right and knows everything despite not finishing her school, and who will save us all

Woke Saints: radical Left politicians, like Ocasio Cortez in US or Nicola Sturgeon in UK, and all Democrats and Labourists by extension

Woke Martyrs: Everyone who was 'offended'

Woke Devil: Donald Trump, whom you can blame for literally everything (including your bad personal circumstances unrelated to politics), because he's the 'source of all evil' and his 'evil influence' pervades everything, perhaps even your underpants

Lesser Demons: Ron DeSantis, Marin Le Pen, and all Republicans and Tories by extension

Heretics and Apostates: every liberal or moderate who finally woke up from the Woke cult, and dared to question any of its dogmas, or who was just proven not 'Woke enough' by some of the Woke Saints or Martyrs. The most famous recent example is JK Rowling, but there are much more of such. I myself am a Heretic and Apostate there, for example. Heretics and Apostates are usually hated even more than Demons by 'virtuous Woke people' (though not more than Devil Trump himself), because of their alleged 'betrayal' of the Woke cult.

Punishment for 'Sinners': If the 'evil ones' would pledge their guilt and 'renounce their privilege' by some public Woke rite, like Kneeling, then they might be given the second chance in Woke after some trial period. If they'd refuse to do that, or, worse, 'persist in their heresy' and would not 'repent their bigotry', then the common punishment is online lynching by Holy Woke Mobs (for example, on Twitter), and canceling of the 'unrepentant Geraldine' from every media platform.

Woke Paradise: Eternal Globalism and Socialism (after eliminating the evil concepts of Border and Sovereignty, and dismantling even more evil capitalism for good), with extensions such as Islamic 'Sharia law' and Communism implemented for all who wants those holy things.

P.S. That all might sound funny and ironic, and I myself laughed a lot while writing this (as I said, satire and humor are the best ways to get rid of your own anger at injustice done and to ridicule those who do injustice as well), but it's tragic nevertheless how our minds became enslaved by a sick cult.